It Is Not ‘Okay’ To
Hit Your Child
Looking back, you might think that was an inane and unrealistic promise.
What should you do when your toddler hits another in the play area? How can you
stop your pre-schooler from throwing a fit at the toy store? What do you when
your school-goer refuses to obey simple instructions time and again? And how
could you possibly stop your teenager from slamming the bedroom door close
after every disagreement? How could you possibly not spank them, right?
Whenever your children misbehave, your knee-jerk reaction is to react
the same way you were reacted to by your parents when you misbehaved. Yelling
at them, boxing their ears or hitting them. This probably is not the best way
to discipline them. Your children needs your love and understanding always,
more so when they least deserve it.
If you were spanked as a child, you’d probably hold it ideal to spank
yours. Infact, more than 60% of parents think that hitting or spanking a child
is okay for kids in the age group of 1 to 3 years. A research claims that
parents who were not hit or spanked during their childhoods are less likely to
spank their own kids. Research also claims that children who are not spanked
and set into a disciplines mode with alternative disciplining strategies, turn
out better individuals when they grow up. On the other side, a child who has
been punished regularly for his misdeeds for disciplinary issues is likely to
be emotionally unbalanced and their behavior degrades further.Spanking as a way
to establish authority has a negative impact on children.
5 Reasons To Think Before You Hit
Your Child
1.
Your children model after you. When you spank them, you are indirectly
sending out the message that it is OKto spank others
when one is angry, especially those who are smaller than oneself
2.
For older children, spanking is quite embarrassing. When
was the last time you were embarrassed by someone and you actually wanted to
listen and respect that person? Spanking can result in your child becoming
angry enough to retaliate or it can make them insecure enough to grow up with
low self-esteem
3.
Sometimes your child is misbehaving to seek attention. By retaliating in
such scenarios, you are reinforcing your child’s belief that misbehavior will
attract attention. This will only increase such behavior
- Your child is smarter than you think. “I got spanked for snatching the toy car from another boy
today. Fine, next time I will do it when mom is not looking”. Spanking
doesn’t teach them WHY what
they did was wrong, it only shows them the immediate trouble they get
into. This again doesn’t help them learn right from wrong in the long run
- And the most obvious one. You do not realize
how strong you are and how small they are. When you hit your child in a
fit of anger it can harm them physically. Their pain and your guilt – it
is definitely not worth it
The only result that comes from spanking is probably immediate
compliance, nothing beyond that. Children who get spanked from their parents
tend to have defiant and aggressive attitudes, coupled with temper tantrums and
taking out their frustrations on other children by physically hitting them. We
are sure you’d like to discipline your child the other way.
How To
Discipline A Child Without Spanking?
So yes,
you do know that spanking is just not an ideal parenting technique. It can hurt
your child, bith physically and emotionally, and may hamper your relationship.
This is all good. But at the end of the day, it is also important to discipline
them.
So how
can you effectively discipline your child without hitting him?
While
children of different ages should be disciplined using different tactics, there
are 3 universally applicable alternatives to hitting the child.
1.
Isolation: Isolation refers to separating
your child from his act of misbehavior. Like a time-out. Create a time-out area
or a “naughty chair” where the child would be sent to
for a few minutes if he/she misbehaves. The problem with this technique is that
it is a difficult concept for smaller kids to comprehend. The advantage is that
it gives your child (and yourself) some time to reflect on his/her behavior. In
fact, you can even make it a “time-in” and
join your child and calmly discuss the actions. This will ensure your child
(especially if they are smaller) does not feel alone or abandoned
2.
Deprivation: Deprivation works from
toddler-age to teenage. Take away from them something they love for a period of
time. It could be a toy for a toddler, TV time for a pre-schooler, a football
game or a sleepover night for older kids. The key is to keep the deprivation
big enough for your child to feel the pain and realistic enough for you to
execute it. For instance, “if you do this, I will never
take you to your football classes ever again” might not work.
Because well, you will eventually take him/her to the football classes and then
your child would end up thinking your threats are never serious
3.
Reparation: This works especially good for
older kids as their logical and reasoning skills are stronger. This basically
involves your child “righting a wrong” they
just did before they do anything else. Your child should be made to understand
clearly (in a calm yet assertive way) why their actions were not desirable and
how they can correct their ways. This is the epitome of effective disciplining
– you are teaching your child to self-discipline and this would develop a
strong moral sense in them as they grow up.
Note : (For more on these three techniques, please refer
to the book “Stop the Screaming: How to Turn Angry Conflict with Your
Child into Positive Communication” by Carl
Pickhardt)
Other Effective Techniques To
Discipline Your Child Without Hitting Can Be:
1.
Explain
the consequences: Explain, do not scare your child. Provide logical explanations and
let him know the natural consequences.
2.
Distract: You can use this strategy with
young kids whose attention span is pretty less. Distract the child out of a
difficult situation to something appropriate. Here you need to ensure that the
alternative is as exciting and attractive as the current task your child is
into.
3.
Reward
and recognize: If bad behavior cannot go unnoticed, then why should good behavior
not be mentioned? Make a reward and recognition policy wherein your child gets
a motive to behave better. Rewards need to be emotional, not materialistic.
4.
Positive
Discipline: If your child
has done something wrong and has not liked the consequences, then he can be
made to learn the right way. This strategy sees misbehavior as an opportunity
to teach new behavior.
5.
Expel
negativity: Rule out
negativity in your language and feelings. Instead of stressing on “Dont’s”
stress on “How about this instead?” Will work well.
Happy
Disciplining! Happy Parenting!
Source : http://www.beingtheparent.com/
Post
by Doshti Health Care
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